The FIRST FIFTEEN

Synopsis Chapter 1 : After a crushing defeat in a wrestling match, a collegiate wrestler contemplates the emotional toll of his sport, supported by his teamates encouragement and a light-hearted moment with his girlfriend at home. Despite the setback, his resolve is tested as he faces the prospect of continued training and balancing life off the mat.

Chapter 1: The end and the beginning

My Head was in my hands, singlet straps off my shoulders, head gear dropped to the side, I leaned back against the corner of the wall and dropped my ass to the ground and sat there while decades of emotion poured out. 

Beaten mentally, physically, and emotionally.  

Thinking how long could this charade last, I was interrupted by a blurred vision of my coach trotting over. Having none of it I was already dialing up, fuck off. 

This time was different, I had been in the mind set all week.  Mentally fit, emotionally ready, and physically jacked. From warm ups till I shook hands I was dialed, focused, and ready to live up to my ability. 

You see my partners were able to compete on a National Level, and one made it as an All American, the one who helped me all week was just an all around bad ass.  The kind of guy you like to be around, we would push cars around parking lots for fun, later tackle each other after practice for fun, that kind of shit. 

Wrestling for me was love/hate, I loved the shape I was in, I hated what it took to get to it. I loved winning, I hated losing, unfortunately in college I had a lot more hate then love at this time, but thats ok, by the time this story comes full circle I will be a wrestling coach and have nothing but love for it, but theres alot to be told before we get there. 

Now about my coach. 

Through my blurry eyes here he comes. Ill give him credit he has always tried to make me better then I was and was a true coach that cared. And here’s the moment that I blew off for 20 years. 

Finger pointed at me, and in lecture format. 

Listen up kid, you are a Collegiate Wrestler, and nobody will ever take that away from you. 

You see my coaches tried with me, they tried everything they could to get me to perform. Sports Psychologist, Good Cops, Bad Cops, Rewards, Punishments, its seemed I could not be triggered. 

That day started off with Lineman taking me under his wing, as he always had done, and said today is your day.  He talked to me, got me in the zone, warmed me up and we went at it in warm ups, and I was dialed in.  

I had hit the Firemans carry on him, maybe 2 or 3 times till he figured out I was good at it, but I got him a few times.  We went over it, we went through the set ups, he basically slapped me around a bit, as I think he knew what motivated me.  He triggered it, I was ready the #6 ranked wrestler in the country, and here I go. 

I run out, shake hands and off the whistle I’m in control, and blink, blink, I hit the perfect setup, firemans and and drop him to his back. But.  I carry to much momentum and get turned and pinned in the same moment. 

Defeated. 

Deflated. 

Done. 

I hold my head in my hands. 

Not sure I said anything on the way home that night as I slumped off the van, Lineman look at me and asked if I had class Tuesday, I said no and he said good your coming with me Tuesday bring your running shoes.  I figured it was to push a car around the parking lot for a work out or something, and shrugged off a sure sounds good. 

I walked up the 4 flights of stairs staring at my feet one step at a time then opened the door to my my apartment and my girlfriend was at the stove cooking something up, could have been ramen noodles for all I knew, she faced me right away and looked at me. 

I must have had it written on my face, another defeat. She gave it a second before that smirk showed up and said well I got something for you, I said Yea? ok, then she turned around and just had a thong on under the apron. 

I suppose it could be worse, its just a sport. 

Lying there in bed I just stared at the ceiling, Nicole (I call her Nikki), had passed out after our fun little meal, usually I’m up late from my bartending shifts, nothing like being a wrestler cutting weight, not drinking at a bar serving plastered people.

I wondered how long Lineman was going to want to push that car around the parking lot for. 

Nothing like the sound of that alarm next to my answering machine blinking with messages.  Clicking the button its read the same, you have 25 new messages, maybe one day I’d delete them. 

Nikki had already been off to class, I had to load up days to get around my work and work out schedules, I mean I really wasn’t college material according to my high school guidance counselor but there I was with three jobs, on a wrestling team, and finding a way to C my way through college, oh and a hot ass girlfriend as well, you would think I had it all. 

The job I had during the day was a joke we basically left each other our IDs to clock us in all the time so essentially I worked one day and got paid for four, I had to return the favor and today was my day, show up time was 11:00am so last nights ups and downs had all worn off and I was out the door.

I always wondered if they would ever figure this shit out and the gig would be up and often thought about quitting on the ride in, but I needed the money. I literally had tuition spread out on 3 credit cards, some money from the Army (That was my third job), and a little bit of scholarship from wrestling. The state had actually ran out of money this year so I couldnt get the pell grant or some form of funding, but plenty of funds for bombs I remember. 

My fat ass Nokia phone started ringing although it wasn’t after 7:00 so my minutes would be used, it was Lineman. Yo, you in tonight? 

Sure. 

Great meet me at the big gym, running shoes. 

Then he hung up. 

Normally, I would get back from the docks, change and go to Wrestling practice but we were on our own today for training. 

Lineman was the best wrestler we had, he would pretty much pummel everyone, I was his practice partner often and was no easy task. One might think why I wasn’t much better.

My mind would start wandering about food, since I was always cutting weight, the littles thing would trigger it. 

Watching a commercial with food on the table and its hunger strike, worse when the heavyweights come over and throw down 3 pizzas in front of you. 

But Lineman was just bad ass, thats it. 

Swiping the badges I always had to figure out who was going to be late, never me when it was my turn but I had to get there early and spread it out a bit and always had someone late. 

There were so many people sometimes I would just swipe all four one after another, it was a joke. 

The drive was about 30 min and right outside my home town, I knew alot of workers there and it was basically a social with some work in between.